The Little Chinese Man Hits Back
Friday the 13th. Yes it certainly is, and it's also Alfred Hitchcock's birthday today (he would have been 111 years old) and I fully expected the Little Chinese Man to appear again today and completely freak me out for the fourth time this week. Trying to out-maneuver him, out-think him, I returned to the scene of yesterday's terror attack at the same time, same place, because a) I'm an obsessive b) I'm a masochist and c) I needed to get a can of cat food and didn't want to walk all the way to Whole Foods or my usual pet supply store and the little place on Post near Taylor is the only one in the neighborhood which carries low-magnesium count wet food for my pussy. I also suspected he would be retracing his steps in an attempt to avoid me or to find me. I suspect it's the latter, but many people seem to think I'm the one following him. What the fuck is wrong with you people anyway? Can't you see I'm the one being terrorized here? I'm the one who lives his life scanning the street a block ahead, confiding in friends, mapping his appearances. He's obsessed with me!
Which of course made it all the more interesting when I came across this post from Craigslist which someone has anonymously emailed to me:
WHO IS THIS WHITE GUY AND WHY IS HE FOLLOWING ME? (tenderloin)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-13, 6:08PM PDT
Reply To This Post
I swear to God I see him everywhere- this has been going on for years now. He creeps me out and lately he's been taking my picture every time he sees me. So this time I took his picture- he's always walking around in the same old leather jacket, smoking a cigarette and holding his phone in the other hand. pERV! I wonder what nefarious, nasty things he does with my picture. Help me! Please- if you know this man's identity please let me know so I can tell my mother.
Tenderly yours,
A Little Chinese Man....
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/rnr/1897675284.html%20(rants%20&%20raves)
Next thing you know, the little motherfucker is going to start writing a blog about me.
It's on LCM! Your cerulean blue little tight short pants and waist-length contrasting jacket are going to be hanging in my closet as trophies! I'm going to add you to my list of conquests (if I can ever find it). And most of all, I'm going to strip you of your tushy-hugging bikini briefs and put them on my cat, place a yarmulke on his head, take his photo and use it for my holiday card this year!
